For the Love of a Whump
by Reyson
Summary: Sheppard, McKay and Ronon are running for their lives. The title says it all. Rated T for mild language... Blame it on looney plot bunnies. CHAP2 up. NOW COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

**For the Love of a Whump**

_Ratings: Gen & T (for minor language just to be safe)_

_Prerequisite: An ability to laugh at self esp for those who like to read and write about whumps_

_Warning: If you don't have a sense of humor, please don't read this_

_Spoilers: None except for In the Mind's Eye (which you can get at my profile page) but you don't have to read it in order to understand this fic._

_Author's Note:_ _Aimless wee fic that will hopefully bring a laugh or two amidst all the wonderful whump fics that we all love and enjoy. I blame this all on crazy plot bunnies that obviously ate something looney to have come up with this tale. All mistakes are mine.  
_

oOo

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard and Dr Rodney McKay were running down the corridors of Atlantis, literally running for their lives. Behind them were the sounds of close pursuit.

"I can't believe that the Pentagon sprung a leak about the Atlantis expedition!" Rodney gasped out, puffing out breathless breaths of annoyance and disbelief.

John took a nervous backward glance, his heart thundering in beat when he caught sight of the frightening mob that was currently closing in on them. "Hurry Rodney or you'll be toast!"

Rodney threw Sheppard a scalding glare. "What do you think I'm doing? Taking a pleasant afternoon stroll? This is pretty much my top gear! Do you think I want to be caught by _them_?" he asked, shuddering as he recalled all the things that he had read about.

John took a glance at Rodney and shook his head. "How the _hell _did they find out about us anyway?" he asked. "Did you _read _all the stuff that they put us through?"

Rodney snorted and shot Sheppard a disgusted look. "Are you _kidding_? Of course I did! And weren't you _listening_? Like I _said _before, there _must _have been a leak at the Pentagon or at SGC. After all, how did the TV network find out about the exploits of SG1, huh? Remember 'Wormhole Extreme'? Anyway, why do you think we're running for our lives? We can't allow them to get their hands on us!"

At that moment they turned the corner and almost collided into Ronon, who was also fleeing for his life. "Conan! We could do with a little help here!" Rodney gasped, never so happy than to see the former Runner there.

"Yeah, glad to see you too buddy," interjected Sheppard. "Think you can give us a hand and hold off the mob that's chasing us back there?" Sheppard thumbed behind them, brightening at the prospect of the Satedan warrior offering them some line of defense. Raw brute power and a scowling Ronon death glare could possibly come in handy right about now.

Dex scowled back at Sheppard, which made John wonder why he was the recipient of that said death glare. The Satedan then craned his neck and took a peak at the mob that was chasing them. "No deal," he said. "I'm a Runner today... It's every man for himself. I've been threatened with the re-doing and washing of dreadlocks... _Nobody _touches the hair!"

There were sounds of hysterical screaming coming from the corridor that Ronon had just abandoned. For the first time in his life, Sheppard saw the former Runner look like a scared bunny rabbit. Ronon turned towards him and Rodney and said, "You're too slow. You're on your own. Good luck." The former Runner increased his strides, quickly out pacing the two men as he ran ahead without breaking a sweat. It wasn't long before he was out of sight.

"Traitor!" Rodney shouted after him, clearly annoyed at the Satedan for abandoning them to the mob; his breaths started to become short and breathless from the increased exertion of the run.

"Ditto!" Sheppard shouted after Rodney. He didn't think that Dex even heard their departing insults.

"Maybe they're not the group that we read about, maybe they're shippers?" Rodney stated hopefully, getting more breathless by the minute as he tried to put a positive spin on things. Maybe Sheppard's optimism was rubbing off on him to make him even consider such a thought.

Sheppard took a quick glance backwards, feeling intensely worried. "No, I saw them carrying bandages and first aid material. I don't think they're shippers, Rodney, I think our first assumption was correct, I think they're whumpers." He had read some of the stuff that Rodney had showed him on the website, and what he had read clearly scared the crap out of him. It took a lot to make John Sheppard afraid.

"Oh great! Of course, they've got to be the whumpers or whumpaholics or whatever the horde likes to call themselves! Knowing our luck, it can be none other _but _them!" Rodney shuddered. "Injuries, torture, mental and physical anguish, near death experiences, agonizing pain... you name it, we're victims of it!"

Sheppard's eyes tightened. "And you say that these people '_like_' us?" he asked with disbelief.

McKay snorted. "Oh not _like_, Sheppard! I hear that they _love _us!"

Sheppard turned a little pale at hearing these words. "Crap!" he muttered, shaking his head with worried concern.

Rodney turned around, saw the closing gap and retorted. "Crap is right! We're soooo totally screwed! If caught, we'll be lucky to survive this with the skin of our teeth!"

John turned and gave the scientist a puzzled look. "Hang on, didn't I hear that there's usually _comfort _at the end? That it's also associated with _'Hurt and comfort'_? Actually, didn't you once show me a web community that's dedicated to that alone?"

Rodney gave Sheppard an unimpressed look. "Yeah, but do you want the crap beaten out of you first? Or to be killed and then brought back to life by a defibrillator?" he asked loudly, his eyes scared, his breaths rapid. Sheppard wondered whether McKay was hyperventilating.

McKay steadied a little, wiping perspiration from his brow before continuing with his rant. "Me? I prefer surviving this day _without _any pain or broken limbs involved, thank you very much! Besides, I hear that you're number one on the list, with me coming a close second. For once in my life, I'm glad that I'm NOT Numero-Uno. Although, I _am_ concerned about this fad where I seem to be killed off in a couple of recent fics lately... Don't they _know _that I LIKE to live? Oh, and you've got a few death fics under your belt too!" he smirked.

John blanched then and made an effort to increase his speed. "Good point, McKay. Noted, let's _NOT _get ourselves caught... Is it just always you or me only getting 'whumped'? That's the word they like to use, right?"

McKay shook his head. "Nope, no such luck. Sometimes, it's BOTH of us! In fact, recently, I read a fic, and it's a real doozy — it involves the both of us almost dying after we were captured by a telepathic ant creature, and boy did we get whumped badly in that! Actually this writer even whumped Ronon and poor Teyla a little, can you believe that?"

Sheppard gave him a wry look. "Telepathic ant creature? You mean a giant bug?" he shuddered. "Oh, now that's just plain cruel! I HATE bugs!"

Rodney nodded, "Yeah, I know your aversion towards bugs... knew you wouldn't like that! But in it, I managed to fight off a giant ant creature and saved your ass with my shoe," he announced a little proudly. "However, can't say I was too ecstatic about the writer giving me toe-jam though! One thing I do know is that I DON'T have smelly toes! However, there were some cool friendship moments. Hmm... I even turned out pretty brave sometimes."

"Hey, what about me?" Sheppard asked curiously. "Did I do anything heroic?"

"You?" Rodney asked, "Well, if you consider having an alien stick planted in your gut and hiding it from me as heroic, then you could say that you were heroic!"

"_Nooo_... I... _didn't...!_" Sheppard blanched, going as white as a sheet, not wanting to even _think _what that injury would have felt like.

"Oh... yeeees, you did!" Rodney smirked right back. "I guess it must be all that self-sacrificing martyr complex that you tend to have."

"Hang on a minute, you said that the _both _of us were whumped, what did you end up with?" Sheppard demanded curiously.

"Er... nothing too serious..." Rodney gulped.

"McKaaay!" Sheppard whined in a demanding sort of tone.

"Okay, okay! Sheesh! I ... er... ended up with an infected compound fracture on my leg," he muttered.

"Hah!" Sheppard crowed in delight.

Rodney scowled. "Yeah, yeah... Now, what I don't understand, is why can't they write us like Mr Un-whumperable, the ultimate, unable-to-be-hurt kind of guys. How about Mr Indestructible? Now _that _I would dearly love to read about myself!"

At this Sheppard grinned. "Actually you were Mr Indestructible, and in real life too, not in some writer's whumping fantasy fic _and _heroic too."

Puffing and clearly out of breath, running beside Sheppard, Rodney looked puzzled and shot the pilot a questioning look. "And when was this?"

"When you wore that Ancient shield device and couldn't eat or drink. You even saved the day when you got rid of that energy creature, remember?"

Rodney grinned. "Oh yeah, you're right!" His proud smile however faded quickly as he remembered something else. "Hang on, didn't I get whumped in that one?"

Sheppard laughed, "Only a little, if you count 'fainting' whump!"

"Hey!" Rodney retorted angrily.

"I know, I know... I meant to say 'passed out'!" Sheppard replied before Rodney could start on another tirade. "Come on, this way, Rodney, I know of a hidden room that should hopefully hide us from the horde."

Further on, in the direction where Ronon had headed, they heard a loud yelp as if something big had just tripped down a flight of stairs ahead. There was a grunt of pain that sounded very much from one tall, heavy Satedan. Soon after, there were whoops of joy and happy sounds coming from the mob. Rodney and Sheppard soon heard cries such as: _"Aw... poor baby... He needs a hug!... Let's wash his hair!... His dreadlocks need redoing!... Sponge bath!" _All followed with squeals of delight.

Rodney looked worried and shuddered. "Uh oh! Do you think he's..."

"Caught? Yeah, and probably whumped too..." Sheppard replied grimly, looking anxious. "I just hope that Teyla's all right. Have you seen her Rodney?"

The scientist considered the query. "Nope, but I believe I heard her mentioning something about visiting the mainland today, so perhaps she's lucky enough to escape this. Besides I haven't read much about Teyla being whumped, I don't think there's much fan following for that, and if there is, it's only a small minority. Hmm, actually I haven't read much about the big guy either, but obviously he has one from what we just heard!" he shuddered again.

"Lucky Teyla," Sheppard noted.

"Yeah, and poor us!" Rodney complained, looking thoroughly frightened. "Actually, I think the both of us pretty much even out in the whump. And the scary thing is, sometimes, even when we get whumped the reviewers sometimes scream for more!"

Sheppard blanched at that.

They turned a corner and Sheppard suddenly spotted what he was looking for. He stopped to activate the secret panel, but Rodney had not expected Sheppard to stop so abruptly in front of his path. Just as John activated the panel, the scientist collided into the pilot, sending the pair of them flying into the hidden room, crashing down the flight of stairs to land in a tangle of human limbs. The secret door swished close behind them.

"Aargh!" Rodney cried out grabbing hold of his arm tightly in pain. "I think I broke my arm!" he gritted out as the waves of pain throbbed through his injured limb. Nearby he heard Sheppard also gasping in pain.

"Sheppard? You okay?" Rodney asked in concern.

"No, Rodney, I'm _not _okay." Sheppard replied, the lights in the hidden room suddenly activating at their arrival.

"What's wrong with you?" Rodney asked, cradling his broken arm tightly with his left hand.

"I think I've broken a rib or two," Sheppard hissed painfully. McKay however sensed that there was more to it than the pilot was letting on.

"And?" the scientist asked.

"How do you know there's an 'and'?" Sheppard asked in surprise.

"I just _know_," Rodney deadpanned.

"For a genius, that's _not _a very scientific answer," Sheppard cut back.

"Oh? So what? I was _right _wasn't I?" McKay retorted back with gleeful smugness this time. "Now stop trying to change the subject and tell me what else is wrong with you!"

"I... er... think I broke my leg," Sheppard replied ruefully.

"Oh..." Rodney said, not knowing what to say to that.

"I just realized something else, Rodney." Sheppard said painfully after a while.

"Oh yeah? What's that?" Rodney asked.

"I believe we've just been whumped!"

oOo

TBC

_AN: Sometimes, you've just got to see the funny side of life and laugh at it. Kudos to all the talented writers here of good whump fics, as readers, we all love ya! Of course as readers and writers of whump, we know that none of us would even harm a hair on our boys' heads, we just like to write and read about it - so they'll be very much safe with us! This fic came to me in the weekend when I was feeling in a silly mood in the midst of RL dramas..._


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**

_AN: This is for all of you who wanted an Epilogue_

oOo

There was a moment of silence, then Rodney replied, "Oh, the whumpers outside would so _love _to see us now!" After all, the both of them were injured and in excoriating pain.

Sheppard considered this. "But now that we've been whumped, we'll get some comfort, right? Cos I could sure use some comfort right about now."

McKay looked at the injured pilot feeling his own arm pulsating with pain. "Er... yes, I believe you're right. I believe those chasing us will be less dangerous now. They wouldn't need to chase us into dangerous situations where we'll be injured in order to appease their whumpaholic delights."

"They already did," Sheppard observed.

"Huh? What?" Rodney asked dumbly.

"We've been chased into this room. We've been whumped remember?" Sometimes, Rodney needed a whack on the head just to see the light.

"Hmm. I suppose you're right." Rodney replied.

Sheppard nodded and despite the pain, his smile widened. "That's what I thought. So shall we?"

Rodney suddenly caught on to what the pilot was considering. "Are you serious? Do you really think that's wise?"

Sheppard stared at Rodney hard in the eye. "Well, it's either that, or we remain stuck in here, with no one rescuing us. And you'll end up dying from a hypoglycemic reaction first before I die of thirst and starvation."

Rodney blanched. "Good point."

"Besides Rodney," Sheppard drawled. "I'm _really _looking forward to the comfort bit. I say it's time for us to get some good o' TLC. That is, if you're right."

"Of course I'm right! I'm _always _right!" Rodney huffed, puffing up his chest like a proud peacock. "And you would _love _that wouldn't you? You with all your Kirk syndrome!"

Sheppard just smirked. "Okay Rodney, you ready?" he asked, getting ready to think the hidden panel door to swish open again.

Rodney took a gulp and nodded. "As I'll ever be."

The door swished open, and together both men started to yell out at the top of their lungs "HELP!!"

oOo

**The End**

_AN: Well, hope you've enjoyed it and had a laugh or two. No offense was intended to all whumpers out there, as I like reading and writing about whump myself _:)


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